Revolution · Code; · 1986_1105_1989_0804

so sick of love songs, so tired of tears.. So lost and missing.. Nothing's left here.. Things that will nvr be solved yet nvr let gone.. I need my piece of time..

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Just feeling hurt and disappointed..it's all I can say for tonight..night to any kind soul who's still visiting this condemned space of mine..

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I wish I could be back into this little space of mine less often...but why am I back here again this often?till now..u've never really taken my feelings to heart about how I really feel, that's how I feel cuz neither have u been looking at me nor paying attention to me..u don't have to understand and realize how I feel only when big things happen like recently ain't it?jus pay a bit more attention to me and u'll see how I've been feeling..even when we play and u got hit..why do I get the feeling that u're unhappy and angry when accidents happen?is it really my fault?? I don't know how long I can last..I wanna last..someone help me..save me..do something..I don wanna lose her either..

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My mind jus can't stop thinking..nvr have you once promised me on any of my request..is mine too demanding?or wat is it that is restricting you to say 'i promise'?I don't know..u said I distrust..I guess that is one big factor that's killing me inside..cuz u've never ensured me any promises..

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Please..i really hope that some day you'll realize and understand how I feel and wat I want before it's too late..I don't want it to happen to u again that u only realize wat You've neglected in me only after I'm gone..I've tried to forgive and ignore alot of things..be it how painful it is..I really don't want u to go through any thing similar to that again..and know that I'm your boyfriend..and I'm just an average normal guy and that I would feel like one as well..I don't know how or wat I should do or say to make u understand that..someone..something..or jus anyone or thing..save me..

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All I wanted was just a simple life..that u would understand that I don wanna have to live like a lord when with u and and like a farmer with others..I want a balance life..not having to worry about saving overly till even going out with my friends becomes so stressful over saving for big trips that u want..I'm still receiving 400 only which i can barely make it..why can't u understand that? If u're unwilling to wait..I will know what it means..but I'm praying that this'll nvr happen..yet again..mayb I'm not the one u're looking for?to be able to say such things and leave so abruptly leaving everything behind regardless of wat I said and may do..standing by the road jus hoping to see ur cab make a u-turn..mayb I'm jus not the one to be able to make u stay at all cost instead of leaving like I'm expendable...wat am I thinking..I don't know..I'm fading slowly..

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This space..was never a space I liked visiting..cuz this is where I'll be when I'm sad and disappointed.. I'm not sad over such a minor matter..I'm sad because even such a minor matter we couldn't come to terms with it..even when u didn't realize things on your own, it didn't matter to me..wat mattered most to me was when I tried telling you about it, u had to say such hurting things to me.. U said u wanna get home early..I know you're tired but have u not realized that whenever I try to keep u awake so that thing s will go well, that I can send u home earlier, u end up making yourself too comfortable and snuggled that u fell asleep instead..wat am I supposed to do?I jus couldn't sense that u're trying to keep urself awake so that I can send u home as u wanted..be it on days u requested or I did..and when I told u bout it..u'd jus joke it off..I'm on the verge again..sad, disappointed, stressed and helpless..once again that's all I could feel cuz I know I could nvr tell u something serious, u know wat I mean..but u'll nvr read it cuz u'll nvr know this space of mine.. This is all I'm left with..I'm drained.. Nights..

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As soon as I touch my pillow, tears came flowing non stop and I realized all I was allowed to was to grab tight to my pillow and cry non stop and I'm not allowed to tell anyone else,not allowed to cry to anyone else..all alone in my pitch black room. And to tell myself I'm not allowed to show any of these once I leave my room. But soon to realize, I cried till there's no tears left except the sound of me continue wailing. I feel so pathetic, so useless, so helplessly stupid. U're my only space left that i can talk to, even though u can't talk back to me like human, u're the important only space I have left. I'm lost.. I'm afraid.. I need you..

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